From out of the blue

Do I mean myself, or ....?


Frankly, I don't know what I mean.


Yes (sigh) it's been over a year since my last post. Oh, you want an update? Well, let's see --

• Friendship: That was my last post, so I start here. I seem to have improved in that regard. No, my looks haven't changed (lol), but I count more people as real friends. (Could it be they were there all the time ... eh, could be!) Anyway, that's an upswing for the better!
• Elder Care: My parents are both in their upper 70s, and are starting to deteriorate rapidly. My mom has Alzheimer's, and some days she doesn't know who my father is, let alone who I am. My husband and I look in on them at least once a day. They are (for now) still in their own home, though I expect that to change very soon.
• Mental Health: I, like everyone else on the planet, have several mental demons cluttering up my Anxiety Closet who really need dealt with. Well, thanks to a good friend, I think I can safely say that this year one of those little twerps has been kicked out of my Closet for good! It's too soon to say with any real certainty, but I truly think this one has been banished into utter oblivion. Good riddance to it -- BLEH!
• Writing: Totally frustrated to report that I have yet to finish and send out even one MS!!! Argh! And I've started on a brand new work, but THIS one I'm determined to finish and send out SOON -- before summer. I swear it.

So, for the moment, there's my life.

As I said a couple of months ago -- 2008 should be an interesting year!

Friendship ...

But why should I post about this? After all, what do I know about this subject?

I have one friend, one friend in the whole world. She, as it happens, is a missionary, with a wide range of people she talks to, e-mails and generally stays in contact with. Of course, she has to. Yet not only does she have great people skills and talk easily to others, but the fact that she obviously cares for them comes through loud and clear.

Me? - I have no great skills; I get nervous and scared when talking with mere acquaintances and I -- apparently -- scare others away.

Either that, or I have very, very bad breath.

I let people know I care, and they politely say 'Thank you' -- then take care never to log onto the same IM service with me again. Others say I know them so well, and they love me for it -- then yell my head off when I get frustrated at them for something. Or perhaps I'm discussing an issue with a co-worker. I mention how what she did made me feel. My comment inadvertently hurts her -- and from then on, even though I apologize for the statement, the rest of the conversation is about how she can't understand why I would say such a thing.

I won't even begin to tell you about my supposed best friend, who, when I was emotionally lost, confused and almost literally at the end of it all, said, 'What can I do? I can't help you with this.'

'You could at least listen to me, talk with me,' I replied.

She was called away from the phone ... and has said barely two words to me in the past seven years.



I suppose I should just give up on the whole concept of friendship anyway. After all, I do have green-tinted skin, a long hooked nose, and my laugh comes out a high-pitched cackle.

Anybody know how to recycle a used toothbrush?

I GIVE YOU FAIR WARNING ...

... I'm climbing on a soapbox.

....................

In my Bible reading today, I came upon Luke 24.39.

It is the evening of that first Easter day. Jesus is talking to his disciples. They are afraid; they do not trust their eyes; they can't believe it's really him! But he does not look down on them or belittle their doubt and fear. Instead --

"Touch me and see," he says. "A ghost does not have flesh and blood, as you see I do." And he shows them the wound-marks in his hands and feet.

With that, he invites them -- he invites me, and anyone else -- to examine on their own the things about him, to see the proof for themselves.

Try me, he says; test my words for yourself.

Come and see that I am real.

Write On!

Writing is one of the scariest things I've found.

Don't believe me? Perhaps you think writing is only a matter of sitting down for a hour or two with your laptop or a pen in hand and putting down whatever comes into your head.

Perhaps you're right.

But.

To finish a book, you have to keep on putting those words on paper (or the computer screen). All the time a new scene, fresh dialog, different characters, another locale. You can't stop where you are, admiring your own word strings, or the flow is lost and you're left polishing and re-polishing that one single sentence.

To keep writing -- ah, here's where the fun begins -- because continuing on with those pages involves change. Sometimes you don't know where to go; sometimes you don't know what's coming next; sometimes you just haven't the foggiest idea in the world where Chapter 10 will wind up at.

How's that scary, you say? Well, as theologians, philosophers and psychiatrists all agree -- Fear of the unknown is one of the greatest fears we humans face. Dealing with that fear can lead to solutions ranging from nervous incontinence, to simple avoidance of things, to abuse of drugs or alcohol.

So how does a writer keep on getting those words out? The best way I know is to stay in the moment, to focus on whatever is there in front of you, and allow 'the muse of the story' to take you wherever he/she/it wants you to be.

Of course, invariably (as with all things), as soon as you get comfortable there, Reality forcibly knocks on your door. And that's when it gets really hairy: to be required to leave the Muse and handle Reality.

See? I told you writing was scary.

CHANGES

New beginnings.

Different roads.

Break ups.

Removals.

Upheavals.

... scary, ain't it?

Yet in my life, time and again the old adage is proven true: 'The more things change, the more they stay the same.'

Welcome to my world.